Sundays are for whatever reason, the most difficult days for me. I have yet to figure out why. Maybe it’s because it’s the last day that everyone around me is off work. Maybe it’s because I long to be back in church services and I’m not able to yet. Maybe it’s because I know that I won’t be starting another work week like I used to.
No matter what the reason, I am apprehensive today.
Tomorrow I have a jam packed day of stuff I just DO NOT want to do. I have to be at the local social security office first thing in the morning regarding my fight for disability, then I have to travel the two hour trip to the hospital for my kidney/bladder procedure and renal ultrasound. I don’t drive, so I have to be driven around like Miss Daisy…
It’s going to be a JAM PACKED DAY of pain, frustration and stress.
In the wake of all this nation is going through right now, I feel very oppressed.
I woke up with this song in my heart- If you haven’t heard it- Click PLAY. I needed the message of hope today.
I’ve been running through rain
That I thought would never end
Trying to make it on faith
In a struggle against the wind
I’ve seen the dark and the broken places
But I know in my soul
No matter how bad it gets
I’ll be alright
There’s hope in front of me
There’s a light, I still see it
There’s a hand still holding me
Even when I don’t believe it
I might be down but I’m not dead
There’s better days still up ahead
Even after all I’ve seen
There’s hope in front of me
I am learning to enjoy my slice of humble pie. In my pride and arrogance, I don’t want to be driven around and taken to doctor appointments/procedures. I don’t want to have to admit I need help. I don’t want to reach out. I want to be INDEPENDENT.
But that’s not where I’m at right now. I choose to see myself as blessed to have people WILLING TO HELP.
Swallowing your pride is one of the hardest actions you’ll have to take in this life.
As I’ve come to realize, control is truly an illusion.
All we have. All we are. All that surrounds us- isn’t really in our control.
We have no idea what our days will hold.
We have no idea how many days we have on this earth.
We can only control how we REACT to what happens to us.
The alpha female in me wants to rebel. I want to yell and scream at the heavens-
WHY IS THIS MY LIFE? I don’t want to need help. I was doing fine! I was working, in school and saving money. I was SUCCEEDING!
But then again, what is true success?
Is it money? Is it power? Is it independence?
Honestly, the only success I want right now is contentment.
I want to appreciate what I have and who I share it with.
I can choose to resent the humble pie I’m being forced to eat, or I can enjoy it…..
BON APPETIT!
Author Winslow E. Dixon 