Peace by Piece Give A way

My goal for 2019 is to GIVE more than I TAKE.

SO!  To start the year off, I want to do a give away of one of my books, the Peace by Piece Inspirational Health Log Journal.

I originally created this journal for myself to keep track of all my life’s little “pieces” to try and find better quality of life. I figured if it helped me, it might help someone else…so I published it and now I want to give away some copies to those who need it!

I truly hope I can give to others this year.

The video below explains how to enter for the give away and the one below that is a preview of the journal.

Links here-

https://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/peace-by-piece-365-day-inspirational-health-journal-winslow-e-dixon/1127897956

https://www.amazon.com/Peace-Piece-Inspirational-Health-Journal/dp/1984099922

Happy New Year to all my blog followers! As always, I wish you all hope, healing and happiness!

-Win

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Life marches on

I just realized I haven’t written an update since I’ve finally gotten on the Cortisol Pump!

I finally fought to get onto this treatment after two years of trying.

I’ve been on the pump since March and can honestly say I have found improvement.

It definitely hasn’t been a “plug into the pump and be healed” but the fog is slowly lifting.

I have been able to live again, slowly but surely.

My bedridden days are becoming fewer and fewer.

I can do more things. I can sleep through the night without having to wake up to take cortisol pills. I can do more than one activity a week. I can ride in a car. I can walk short distances. I can breathe without oxygen tubing.

Though I am still struggling  with my health, but I am hoping to get back to better function, quality of life and have more good days than bad days.

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Thanks to the pump, I was able to be in my brother’s wedding.

Yes, at the largest weight I’ve ever been….I was a bridesmaid…..

But hey, I was ALIVE to see my baby brother get married….so if the steroids make me fat but keep me alive….so be it.

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Joshua married Rachael and they’re going to live happily ever after.  ❤

 

MEANWHILE!

I am slowly seeing better days.

We had a ton of people fly from North Carolina to the wedding in Florida so I was able to socialize and see friends I haven’t in years.

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Again, not thrilled with my weight….but I’m alive and have really enjoyed being out in the world again… little by little…..

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I’m able to do little things again, like go out to the park.

Walking is still a major struggle, but I’m fortunate to have friends willing to push around my old lady self in my wheelchair.

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Thanks to the pump, I’m escaping the prison my bed had become.

I want to make sure other adrenal patients have the same opportunity to turn their lives around like I am fighting to do right now.

That’s why I’ve started The Adrenal Alternatives Foundation

EVERYONE deserves the chance to have the best quality of life possible.

I’m headed for my better days ❤

 

You are too!  Don’t give up ❤

 

No matter what you are fighting, you must believe there is HOPE for better days.

This is your life, take control. ❤

The Truth about Opioids Campaign is a Blatant Ignorant lie.

The above video depicts the so called “Truth of Opioids.”

As someone who is prescribed opioids, I was instantly intrigued by the audacity of this campaign and frankly was outraged.

But I am writing this post not out of anger, for I believe there is enough of that in this world.

I am writing this post to share the actual truth of opioid use.

Upon seeing this commercial, I researched further. I found there were a number of commercials in this “truth” campaign.

One of these commercials features a young man who appears to be a teenager or, at most in his early 20’s. He talks about getting opioid medications once at a party and then the commercial depicts him with a hammer, smashing his hand, stating “I didn’t know how far I would go to get more.”

The commercial then ends with stating that dependency can happen after just five days and then restates that this commercial depicts the “truth” of opioid use.

I will now explain why this is campaign is NOT the truth of opioid use.

1- This commercial depicts a person who received narcotics ILLEGALLY. This person is not chronically ill or disabled. His problem was not started by opioids that we’re prescribed to him. He acquired a substance illegally.

This was a choice he made. Narcotics didn’t make him an addict. He wanted to get “high.”

An addict will reach for ANY means to get high. An addict can seek a high from any means: alcohol, illegal drugs, prescription drugs….even sugar!

An addict will get high by ANY MEANS they can get a hold of.

This is a problem stemming from ADDICTION not opioids themselves.

An addict is an addict, regardless of their drug of choice.

I am not posting this to bash those who suffer with addiction. That is a real issue that needs care and compassion.

However it MUST be understood that the addiction issue is a separate issue from pain management used by those suffering from chronic pain from disability or disease.

2- This commercial depicts the very opposite mentality of chronically ill and disabled patients.

As someone who suffers with a painful, incurable illness I do whatever it takes to avoid adding more pain to my already painful existence.

Most chronic pain patients have tried everything available to manage their pain and opioids are used ONLY as a last resort in an attempt to achieve quality of life.

Most chronic pain patients on narcotic medications have tried dietary interventions, alternative therapies, physical therapies and naturalistic means to manage their pain, unsuccessfully.

Here is the difference between chronic pain patients and addicts- CCP’s do not WANT to be on medications. They would much rather be able to get out of bed, take care of their kids, have fun with their friends and work without having to rely on a medication in order to be able to manage incurable, chronic pain from disease or injury.

3- The thought of hurting myself to get medication is literally a foreign concept. This is actually against human nature itself.

Self harm can fall into in the category of mental illness, which is another issue that needs to be addressed with compassion and care.

The self harm depicted in this commercial is actually indicative of a psychiatric disorder called Non-suicidal self injury (NSSI), which is intentional physical self-damage or self-harm.

This commercial is representing an issue that frankly should enrage those who advocate for mental health awareness.

This person in this commercial represents someone who needs help with their mental illness.

This does not in any way represent the truth of legal opioid use.

4- The way the person in the commercial receives opioids was illegal in the first place.

This not only depicts pain management in a negative light, but also completely eliminates the truth that pain management is legal.

Legally obtained, properly used and medically necessary opioids are not illegal!

With my personal experience, I started having kidney stones at age 15. I visited emergency rooms a countless amount of times in my young life. I was never offered pain management. I was never offered help. I was told I was too young to possibly have a debilitating illness.

I was later diagnosed with a congenital kidney disease (Medullary Sponge Kidney) which causes chronic kidney stones, renal colic and recurrent infections. I also developed Adrenal Insufficiency because my body produced the stress hormone cortisol so much, for so long, it burned my endocrine system out.

Unmanaged pain has lasting consequences. I now have two diseases because my original one wasn’t treated.

It wasn’t until I was 25 years old that I had access to pain managing medications. Now, I have to visit a pain management clinic every 30 days.

With pain management, you have to sign a contract that you will only receive pain medications from that physician. You have to sign a contract to only fill your prescriptions at one pharmacy. You have to see the doctor every 30 days, and pay the copays. You may or may not be drug tested at random.

It takes A LOT to have access to pain relieving medications.

As a homebound woman who doesn’t drive, it is a struggle to get to the clinic and see the doctor.

Most pain management clinic rules force homebound, disabled people to have to physically acquire scripts every 30 days, regardless of their physical condition or ability to travel.

Pain medicine scripts can no longer have refills, forcing CP patients to get new scripts every month. Which explains why ‘opioid scripts have doubled.’ This statistic is part of the politically manipulated argument used to pass bills limiting pain relieving medication.

Yes, scripts have increased, but only because the rules of prescribing have changed.

Doctors now have to write a new script every 30 days, thus raising the amount of scripts written but not the amount of medication prescribed.

See the manipulated logic there?

Frankly, pain management is unnecessarily expensive as well. I pay a $60 copay every 30 days just for a script. The doctor doesn’t examine me. He doesn’t do anything except hand me a paper. I pay $60 in addition to my cost of medication. How much money could be saved if refills were allowed again? How many private insurance, Medicaid, Medicare and personal dollars are spent now because of this rule?

Recently, they took my script for a benzodiazepine away due to fear of government regulation and political pressure.

My prescribing physician looked me in the eyes and told me he was taking my script away because of fear for his licensure due to government regulation.

He took this medication without a taper, just cold turkey because he feared for his license. I know I am not the only one who has suffered this anti-hippocratic, inhumane treatment.

Think your medications are safe? Think again.

Healthcare decisions are being taken out of physician’s hands because of an ignorant political movement targeting those who are LEGALLY using medications for treatment of chronic pain due to incurable illness or injury.

Folks, this has gone too far.

The majority of chronic pain patients are suffering due to ignorance from politically charged bills to stop this so called “opioid epidemic.” When in reality, the stats are manipulated. For instance, heroin and illicit fentanyl deaths are added to statistics in order to push the agenda that legally obtained opioids are the source of the problem.

The “Truth” of the opioids campaign is a farce and I urge anyone reading this to flood the Truth Of Opioids Site with comments on how this FALSE representation needs to be eliminated!

I am writing this to educate others and help people understand the difference between opioid use and opioid abuse.

Chronic pain patients deserve quality of life!

Please don’t judge something you don’t understand!

If you were sentenced to a life of daily pain with no chance of a cure, wouldn’t you want someone to stand up for you?

So let’s FLOOD this site with comments, This LIE campaign needs to END.

This is NOT the truth of opioids, it is a blatant ignorant LIE.

https://www.thetruth.com/

Send a message today!

Wishing you hope, healing & happiness,

Winslow E. Dixon

All content and images used on this site are owned or licensed by Winslow E. Dixon. Unauthorized reproduction is prohibited. (Feel free to share stories and save images, however all images, written posts and blogs are owned by Winslow E. Dixon and protected under copyright law)

Swiss cheese heartbeats

Yesterday was Valentine’s Day! Yes, a day completely devoted to celebrate LOVE.

Though it should be a joyous occasion, for many people Valentine’s Day is a subtle reminder of pain, loss and loneliness.

There are holes in our hearts from lost loved ones.

This is the concept of Swiss Cheese hearts…..

We have holes from people who were once in our lives that no longer are.

We may have lost them to death, circumstance or by choice…..Nevertheless, sometimes their absence can be felt so much we can only grieve.

I’ll be the first to admit I have a swiss cheese heart.

This is my Swiss Cheese Heart Gallery ❤ nan.jpg

This is my Nana.

Due to some wild, unfortunate circumstances she is not in my life. She and my grandfather (who I never really knew) divorced the year I was born. She then remarried and I spent every weekend with her from the time I was three into my teenage years. I loved her dearly. She was my shopping buddy and we always had a wonderful time together.

The last I heard, the man she married divorced her after she was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s disease. She is now in a nursing home. I have no idea where she is or how she is. It haunts my mind and I wonder about her all the time. My only hope is that some kind CNA treats her the way I treated my patients. I hope she is well taken care of. I will always treasure my time with her and look forward to reconnecting with her in the next life.

1025945_4858569673497_1163382915_oThis is Caleb,

my very first love, the man I thought I’d spend my life with. Our romance was scarred with the unfortunate tragedy that my health became. I will always blame myself for our separation, even though I know I did all that I could. He is back in my home state of NC and I am in Florida. I wish him well. Our relationship destruction and my health turned things bitter. I have tried my very best to not become angry over the circumstances of my life. I have tried to see the light in every dark tunnel. Caleb and I just grew a part I guess, as people do in life. We don’t seem to understand one another anymore and he has made it clear he will not tolerate a long distance relationship. My only choices are to accept the way things are and let go or magically have spontaneous healing and move back to NC to be with him. Too bad the second choice is total fallacy. We didn’t even say Happy Valentine’s Day yesterday. I need to accept in my swiss cheese heart that we are over. Though I will love him every second of my life, it looks like our marriage will never be.

jess.jpgThese girls were my un-biological sisters.

Since age 3, I was friends with them. Their parents were like a second set of parents to me.

Things fell apart the summer I left North Carolina. I lived with them right during the time my Addison’s disease was rearing its ugly head. They took me in when my parents moved away to Florida. They housed me, fed me and most importantly- loved me.

When I left their home, I was in the fiery grips of unmanaged adrenal failure. I was close to death, severely ill and not thinking clearly.

The bridge between me and this family was badly burned. All I can say is I am sorry and I take full responsibility for anything I ever did in error. I want to thank them for taking care of me and loving me when I didn’t deserve it.

Randall, Carrie, Hannah, Maddie & Kayla- will always be my second family and I Love them dearly.

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The kid in the red shirt was one of my dearest friends in my adolescent years.

Life happened. Mistakes and choices were made. Needless to say, we are no longer in each other’s lives.

I am truly overjoyed that he is happily married and has two beautiful little girls now. How ironic is it that those of us who planned to have families are the single ones?

Regardless, I wish him well in his life.

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This was life changing surgery.

I think the biggest hole in my heart is the fact that I had to have a hysterectomy at 25 due to endometriosis, uterine fibroids and addison’s disease. I wanted a house full of children. I had them all named. I knew how I was going to raise them, love them and take care of them.

But that dream died on November 22, 2017.

I have to think about it like this- I loved my children enough to NOT bring them into this world to suffer. My genetics are a recipe for disaster. The thought of bringing another soul into this world to suffer the way I do just rips my heart apart. I knew I made the right decision.

Plus, the odds of me surviving a pregnancy and birth were slim to none. Leaving a possibly sick child motherless would be a terrible fate for my child. I chose to eliminate the chance of that happening.

The guilt I carry that I could never give my husband a child bothers me, but I know in my heart I made the right choice.I hope to be able to adopt one day but until then my books are my legacy. My writing and my work is my “brain child.”

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This was my home in North Carolina.

We moved away from here almost 4 years ago. It devastates me that home is such a foreign concept now. Life happened and it happened fast.

Once we moved, we lived in an RV for close to three years. Being homeless was an absolute nightmare. We live in a nice townhouse in Florida now and I am just now getting over the traumatic experience of being homeless for so long.

One day I hope to have a real home again. A place where I know it will be permanent and I will have things the way I want them. Simple things like my items being placed where I’d like them to be and left alone where I put them. I want a place I can feel secure in. I want to squash the fearful thoughts that a home could ever be ripped away from me again.

One day, I pray that stability of my own home will be obtained.

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I know I am not the only one with a swiss cheese heart.

Swiss cheese hearts still beat.

We still have love to give.

We still have things to be thankful for.

We still have people that love us.

I guess we just have to focus on what we DO have instead of obsessing over what we don’t. Because the truth is, somethings that leave holes in our hearts will never return. We have to accept these losses and move on.

Some of our loved ones are gone, but they will never be forgotten.

So, let your swiss cheese heart keep beating……

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Hold on tight to those who are still in your life ❤

To the person wondering if it will ever get better.

I know exactly how you feel. I know exactly what you are thinking.

Here I am, sitting in the last hours of 2017 reminiscing over all the devastation that has happened over the last year.

I had such high hopes for last year. It was filled with more loss and pain than I could have ever imagined. My breakthrough miracle never came.

The memories of the past couple of years haunt me as I prepare for another new year.

What if things don’t get better?

What if it’s worse?

What if I lose even more? 

When you go through traumatic things, you have a new realization of how bad things can get. This can make you apprehensive when you understand the full reality of how hard life can be.

The question of “What if it never gets better?” is probably swirling around in your mind.

Last night, I was tossing and turning in restlessness. I am truly haunted by all that has happened to me. I laid awake, in the dark, alone with my thoughts.

The Holy Spirit quietly reminded me of this verse-

Isaiah 26:3 (NKJV)   You will keep him in perfect peace,Whose mind is stayed on You,Because he trusts in You.”

In an effort to comfort my fearful spirit, I started to tell God what was on my mind….

“Lord, I am afraid. I am still not any better. My health is still right where it was. I just thought I’d be able to work and drive again by now, God!  I still have no money. I was denied disability and I will be kicked off my parent’s insurance when I turn 26. How can I afford my cortisol medicine? God, I can’t work still. I can’t handle another year like the last one. What if it never gets better, Lord? You promised to give your children peace if they focused on you. Please give me peace because I am freaking out. I am at the weakest point a human can possibly get. I’m afraid of the new year. Please calm my fearful spirit. Amen.”

God gave me this in response….

Ecclesiastes 3:3-11 (KJV)

“To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven:

A time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted;

A time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up;

A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance;

A time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together; a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing;

A time to get, and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to cast away;

A time to rend, and a time to sew; a time to keep silence, and a time to speak; 

A time to love, and a time to hate; a time of war, and a time of peace.

What profit hath he that worketh in that wherein he laboureth? 

I have seen the travail, which God hath given to the sons of men to be exercised in it.

He hath made every thing beautiful in his time,

Also he hath set the world in their heart, so that no man can find out the work that God maketh from the beginning to the end.”

GOD makes EVERYTHING beautiful in it’s time.

There are seasons for everything.

If you are in a season of suffering, God’s word says it won’t last forever.

If you are in a season of loss, God’s word says there will be a time of recieving.

If you are in a season of hate, God’s word says that love can be renewed, restored or replaced.

If you are in a season of grief, God’s word says that there is a time of joy after mourning.

If you are in a season of planting, God’s word says there is a time of harvest for all your hard work.

God exists OUTSIDE of time and human limits.

You may think your life is over. You may think that it will never get better. But God’s word says there is a season for EVERYTHING.

He works in all things, the good AND the bad. 

Let’s go into 2018 with the hope that our season can change.

God can work through the darkest of circumstances to bring you into light.

Your devastation can lead to your restoration.

So everytime you wonder if it will ever get better, remind yourself of Ecclesiastes 3. There is a season for everything. 

God is not bound by human circumstances, He can work YOUR miracle in HIS time.

He makes all things beautiful.

Your season of joy is coming.

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All content and images used on this site are owned or licensed by Winslow E. Dixon. Unauthorized reproduction is prohibited.  (Feel free to share stories and save images, however all images, written posts and blogs are owned by Winslow E. Dixon and protected under copyright law)

 

 

 

Calling Monsters by their name

I apologize in advance for the amount of personal blogs and dramatic posts.

But I am at the point where writing is my only solace, my only reverie and my only escape.

Thanks to my blog followers for reading and putting up with my drama. 😀

I apologize for spamming your inboxes with yet another post by Winslow. 😛

 

It is my belief that in order to fight a monster, you have to call it by it’s name, let it know that you don’t fear it and attack it with all your might until it surrenders.

So I am writing this blog to call the names of the demons attacking me now.

I have some major battles I’m going to have to slay before the end of this year.

I look forward to starting 2018, but this year isn’t going down without a fight…..

So Here I Stand- calling my demons by their names so I CAN DEFEAT THEM in cold blood.

(DUN DUN DUUUNNNN *lightning flashes*)

LOL I feel like the count on sesame street.

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My dates of battle:

November 22, 2017-

I will be having a hysterectomy due to endometriosis and uterine fibroids. As someone who loves children and wanted some of my own, this breaks my heart.  My pain and risk of cancer is just too high. I also have a slim chance of carrying a healthy child full term. My risk of dying in a pregnancy and passing on my genetic illnesses are just too strong.

I fear the pain of this surgery. I fear the emotional affects it will take on me. This is a final decision. There are no second chances, no miracles and no other options.

I will never have a baby.

I can only hope that I can handle the post-surgery pain. That is my biggest fear, succumbing to the stresses and causing my adrenal failure to wreak havoc.

But I can’t think that way, no.

I accept this fate.  I draw my sword and prepare to fight the reality that is this great loss.

November 29, 2017-

Still fighting to get on the cortisol pump. I thought I had found a doctor who agreed to manage me with this life changing but unfortunately off label use of a diabetic pump filled with cortisol. Due to his fear of insurance companies, he backed out.

I have an appointment with another doctor on November 29, 2017 to see if she is willing to work with me on getting my quality of life back with this pump.  I can only hope she agrees to help me. I have been fighting to get on this treatment for a long time….

All I want is to live again.

Sometimes I feel like I’m a looney, insane person because all this bad stuff has happened and it doesn’t seem to stop. My life fell apart 3 years ago when my parents moved from my childhood home in NC. Ever since then, life has been a full throttle fight to the death.

I have died, literally…..during my adrenal crisis on my 23rd birthday.

A fluke dose of solu-medrol (IV prednisone)  saved my life before I was diagnosed with adrenal failure.

I have lost everyone I’ve ever loved at one point or another. Some returned, some did not. I’ve seen relationships fall apart, loved ones die and felt the stinging knife of betrayal in my back.

I have lost multiple homes. Truth is, I haven’t been home since I was forced out of my childhood home three years ago. I feel like a whiny little kid, cause honestly I just wanna go home and I don’t even know where that is yet.

The closest thing I found was a one room “home” I rented with my best friend for a few months. This place was in the ghetto, we got broken into multiple times, we had no money, we didn’t even have air conditioning in FL. But I loved it, I was LIVING free for the first time EVER.

I was independent ❤

I worked two jobs and was in school.

I heavily paid the price with my illness.

Even that home was ripped away from me when I almost lost my life, again, on July 17, 2016.

This is the date I will forever deem as the night that changed it all. I thought I’d been through every living hell imaginable, but that night dragged me to an even deeper pit of doom than I ever deemed possible.

A seizure causing an attack of  ventricular tachycardia almost ended my life.I survived, but suffered severe neurological damage. I no longer that the strength to stand, shower, dress myself or anything. I returned to a child-like state. I struggled to breathe and without the ability to work was forced to leave the tiny bit of stability I had created.

I had to move in with my family.

Sounds nice doesn’t it? Going back home? Being a child again?

No.

You see, my family lived in an RV. A tiny, unforgiving space that is a tomb of bad memories for me.

Imagine being stuck with your entire family in a shoe closet, every day.

Yep, it’s as miserable as it sounds. I love my family, but the pain, loss of independence and small space was torture.

We are also broke beyond measure and shared eggs for meals.

(It’s times like these I am so glad my family has no interest in my writing work because they would be livid to know I’m just airing the dirty laundry)

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But you know what, If what I went through helps someone else, I will share my truth without hesitation.

For a year, I suffered with the most pain I’d ever been in, in the weakest state possible.

There was no space. I was living in a tour bus, dying, in agony with no modern conveniences like internet or a bath tub with three other adults. (Parents and my brother)

I look back and wonder how in the world I survived that. How did I not absolutely lose my mind?

I’ve been pushed to the ground multiple times in every area of life.

Going through painful medical procedures over and over again. Kidney stents and bladder instillations, implant removal and insertion.

Forcing myself to re-learn to hold a spoon and put pants on through grueling physical therapy.

Watching people I love walk completely out of my life, leaving a wake of destruction behind them.

My independence was quickly replaced by the infantile state I’d succumb to.

My money dwindle to the point where I no longer even have a bank account.

My beautiful mustang is no longer my own.

My body and fickle beauty fell prey to the devastation of my illness.

I have face EVERY nightmare I could have imagined and I am still standing.

But it’s not ever yet.

I will continue to fight.

 

Honestly guys, we can’t be zen fairies all the time. I try to be as motivational as possible, but the bottom line is some stuff in life sucks. Some stuff breaks you down to the point where you are up at 3 am, laying on a cot googling easy ways to off yourself.

Then you get a glimpse of who you are, all you’ve been through and all the things you want to accomplish……immediately scolding yourself for thinking of the easy way out in the first place.

No, my friend. Sometimes we have to fight life in a different way.

Sometimes it’s just about gritting our teeth and accepting that there is nothing we can do but hold on.

Somethings we cannot change.

Somethings we just have to endure.

My message is this, Life is hard. Nothing wrong with accepting the dark things you cannot change.

Please reach out if you feel yourself slipping into the darkness.

Even I have felt the brunt of all that’s happened to me.

Suicide is never the answer.

It doesn’t eliminate the bad things, it only eliminates the opportunity for things to get better.

“All is not lost, the unconquerable will, and study of revenge, immortal hate, and the courage never to submit or yield.”

― John MiltonParadise Lost 

 

Friends, take heart.

ALL IS NOT LOST.

 

The Deception of Sunlight

All content and images used on this site are owned or licensed by Winslow E. Dixon. Unauthorized reproduction is prohibited.

(Feel free to share stories and save images, however all images, written posts and blogs are owned by Winslow E. Dixon and protected under copyright law)

 

Original composition by Winslow. E. Dixon

“The Deception of Sunlight”

Losses toss me around like the wind that flows through the trees.

 

Screaming for reprieve,

I fall to my knees

 

The sun silently beams,

Providing nothing but heat, no relief.

 

Shield the sun from me,

It blinds me from belief.

 

Light is a foreign concept,

Darkness is the truth.

 

Bright rays shed the illusion light is still abounding

A mockery of reality,

Darkness reigns with evil surrounding.

 

Backed into a corner,

Pushed to the edge

Forced to let go.

 

Shield me from the sun,

The light lies to me.

 

Out of control,

For independence, I plea.

 

Helpless on my own,

Though I fight on the right side.

 

Losing the battle,

Despite all I’ve tried.

 

I scream into the light,

Take me into your glow.

 

Within the fight,

I feel every blow.

 

Fighting with all I am,

I reject the darkness calling.

 

Chained to circumstance,

In hellfire I am falling.

 

The radiating light ridicules the truth.

The truth of my strength being stolen in my youth.

 

Light, Be more than a false hope in the air.

Light, Please unchain me from despair.

Light, Bring me back to life.

Light, I struggle to survive.

 

Powerless to change my fate,

For reverie I sit and wait.

 

Darkness seethes into my soul,

Dying as life takes its toll.

 

My chains around my wrist I feel,

Fears abound that this is real.

 

A reality I cannot fight,

I can only look towards the light.

-Winslow E. Dixon ©

 

 

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