Carry On, Carry On

I’ve closed enough windows to know you can never look back
If you’re lost and alone
Or you’re sinking like a stone
Carry on
May your past be the sound of your feet upon the ground
Carry on, carry on, carry on.
Since January, It’s been a whirlwind of life.
I don’t even think there are enough words to describe the highs and lows 2019 has brought.
I mentioned in my last blog my devastation over Nelson leaving. He left in January and we haven’t spoken since. It is now May.  I can honestly say I’ve grieved his absence every moment he’s been gone.

But I’ve carried on.

 

This past week, I represented my patient advocacy organization Adrenal Alternatives Foundation at the Adrenal Insufficiency United Conference.

I clearly see the work I have set ahead of me. My focus 100% has been growing this organization.  Doors are opening, direction is becoming clear and I know exactly what I am supposed to do with my life.  Adrenal Alternatives is my heart, my life’s work and my purpose- WITHOUT a doubt.

That being said,  career has always come easy to me. I’ve always been a TYPE A personality, driven and determined. Even through my devastating illness, my dreams of changing the world for adrenal disease has been at the forefront of my mind.

I know for a fact I’m doing the right thing.

But in my personal life, I feel super confused.  Things are so uncertain. I never in this world thought Nelson would abandon me the way he did. I thought we’d move back to NC and start life over again……

 

NOPE.

 

It looks like I’m in Florida for a while. My organization is registered there and the doors to leave have not opened.

 

 

So what do I do?

 

What I can……

 

I will do what I can.

 

Can I control Nelson?

Nope.

I can control Winslow.

Even though I could cry every waking moment over this, I refuse to.

Even though it bothers me that he was there through the horrible, unbearable moments but not the AMAZING victories I’ve seen lately.

I have to carry on.

 

We have to focus on what we CAN control.

We have to work on what WE CAN DO.

We have to treasure the loved ones who ARE WITH US!

If we focus on what’s wrong, we lose sight of what’s right.

 

love-quotes-when-the-roots-are-deep-there-is-no-reason-to-fear-the-wind-quote-quoteofthe.jpg

This quote soothed my soul so much.

I was always afraid Nelson would leave me…..and now I can honestly say EVERY single nightmare I ever feared came to life…..

But I survived, EVERY SINGLE ONE.

There is nothing left to fear.

I’ve truly conquered every fear I’ve ever ever ever imagined.

Now, it’s time to thrive.

 

My purpose is to change the world for adrenal disease.

With or without him ❤

 

 

If you’d like to see more about my work with adrenal insufficiency, please visit

adrenalalternatives.com

 

 

 

Advertisements

How to Stop Kidney Stones

 

Anyone who has kidney stones can tell you they are a horrible thing to battle. As someone with chronic kidney stones, I have spent most of my life trying to manage them.

I have explored alternative methods, pharmaceutical options, dietary interventions, holistic herbalism and modern medicine to try and manage my chronic stones.

Recently, I teamed up with Michael Castenada, the creator of the Diet Kidney Stone- Low Oxalate Protocol to film a free, educational webinar on how to manage kidney stones.

I have also published a book with thousands of options to manage kidney stones, renal colic and urinary tract infections.

No one should have to fight this horrific battle with no hope. 

I had lost hope before I was diagnosed with Medullary Sponge Kidney 

I have fought kidney stones, renal pain and UTI’s since I was a teenager and I am here to tell you that there IS HOPE!

I am proud to have teamed up with Michael and our webinar link is posted above.

My goal is to use the darkness I’ve been exposed to shed light to those who suffer as I have.

You may have kidney stones, but they DON’T Have you!

The link to my book is below.

Wishing you all hope, healing & happiness!

 

Love, Win ❤

Peace by Piece Give A way

My goal for 2019 is to GIVE more than I TAKE.

SO!  To start the year off, I want to do a give away of one of my books, the Peace by Piece Inspirational Health Log Journal.

I originally created this journal for myself to keep track of all my life’s little “pieces” to try and find better quality of life. I figured if it helped me, it might help someone else…so I published it and now I want to give away some copies to those who need it!

I truly hope I can give to others this year.

The video below explains how to enter for the give away and the one below that is a preview of the journal.

Links here-

https://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/peace-by-piece-365-day-inspirational-health-journal-winslow-e-dixon/1127897956

https://www.amazon.com/Peace-Piece-Inspirational-Health-Journal/dp/1984099922

Happy New Year to all my blog followers! As always, I wish you all hope, healing and happiness!

-Win

A long awaited Victory

Right now it is 11:47pm, I typically never let myself be on the computer this late. But I am literally SO excited and GIDDY about this long awaited victory I just had to tell someone!

And naturally as a writer….I have to write about it, right??

As most of you know, I am one of these type A, overachiever, workaholics.

I’ve been unable to work the past two years due to my health.

Writing has been my “job.”

During my bedridden years, I’ve written many things….

But the core of all my efforts, my life’s work….my heart on paper is my fiction series.

I am SO HAPPY to finally announce book one of my fiction series, Townsend is FINALLY going to be AVAILABLE.

YES! TOWNSEND LIVES!

I invite you all to meet my imaginary friends I’ve spent the last two years with! haha….

Ok, that probably sounds weird but it’s true. Fiction writers DO have imaginary friends. 😀

The Release Date for book one is March 2019.

Check it out on Townsendseries.com

Townsend means so much to me. I hope you enjoy reading the story as much as I enjoyed writing it!

Good News and Seeking the Kingdom

It always amazes me how time seems to crawl by yet at the same time the months pass so quickly. That old saying is true, the days crawl by but the years fly.

Somehow it is NOVEMBER!

I wanted to just give an update and share some good news with you all. Thank you so much for reading ❤ You have no idea the encouragement it gives me to know people are actually reading my piddly little blog.

I’ve been on the cortisol pump since March.

So here is ALL my good news to report-

1- My disability hearing FINALLY came around.

IMG_20181018_095043713.jpg

Though I am someone who prides themselves on having the gift of gab, having to explain and defend my health for over an hour was extremely daunting. The judge was extremely confused at the concept of the cortisol pump and how it both gives me medication automatically and I also have to bolus. I think I spent 10 minutes explaining what bolus meant…… 😀

But, the vocational expert told the judge, “Her condition is grave, any physical or emotional stress can harm or kill this woman.” And as crappy as that was to hear, it was nice to be validated.

I am awaiting a letter to find out my decision. The lawyer said by January we should know something. I am just glad that is BEHIND me and I will take whatever decision is made.

2- Opportunities have opened.

My prayer for this year was that I am able to give more than I take. I asked God to open doors for me to reach people. He has.

I am a freelance consultant for a holistic company in my area now. I am allowed to perform what I need to do from home, on my own time and schedule.

My payment? Natural products such as essential oils., soaps and creams and knowing I am helping people.

I was so afraid I’d never get to use my education in holistic health and nutrition, but thanks to Mary Tylor Naturals I now can.

I’ve also had some opportunities to do online educational webinars-

44077199_742781982726852_7122890741415673856_n.jpg

I am hosting this series this month via Zubia Wellness

I am discussing the importance of a holistic approach to health: Mind, Body and Spirit and how to find balance in all parts of your life.

I was asked to be a part of the Alliance of the Arts Festival in my area. I had a booth showcasing everything I do, books, natural products etc.

It was nice to be around people! I heavily paid for it and probably won’t do that again, but I was glad I could be a “local author” for the day.

IMG_20181013_085450894

IMG_20181013_122719902_HDR

(Again, not thrilled with my weight but HEY i’m alive so whatever)

Which brings me to my next point.

3- I’m Juicing!

IMG_20181027_201652252_LL[1].jpg

I have tried so many diets to try to lose weight and get my health better.

Now, I’m doing this juicing thing……

The objective- Nutritional Support. Giving my body what it needs to fight all that is going on.

So, I’ve been juicing every day and will continue.

I’ll let you know if it works and I magically drop all the weight and get massive amounts of strength and energy. 😀 😀 😀

So far, I just feel like I’m drinking grass. IT IS SO NASTY. But hey, I don’t want it to EVER be said I let myself go. I am fighting this steroid weight thing TOOTH AND NAIL!

4- I have a sister in law now.

My brother got married recently, so I now have a sister in law. She is adorable and we are very happy for them both!

5- I’ve been making natural products at home.

IMG_20181023_191850549

IMG_20181101_171524813

I launched my ETSY STORE!

I love candles, bath bombs and soaps but struggle with a lot of the chemicals in them. I started making natural products I could use and I figured, HEY other people might could benefit from them too.

6- My books are now in Barnes and Noble!

Chronically Stoned, Arsenal of Arrows, Piece by Peace are all in Barnes and Noble as well as the amazon/kindle store.

https://www.barnesandnoble.com/s/%22Winslow%20E.%20Dixon%22;jsessionid=DD64FE6668F4555E0F657BE0B31B58AF.prodny_store02-atgap02?Ntk=P_key_Contributor_List&Ns=P_Sales_Rank&Ntx=mode+matchall

So, I just wanted to update on what’s going on since I’ve been on the cortisol pump.

I am still fighting very hard for my health and having more bad days than good but I am really hoping, believing and trying to turn it all around.

I’ve really been focusing on

Matthew 6:33 (KJV) But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you.

I want to seek God’s will for my life, over my health, over my finances, over my desire for another person, over my desire for independence and having career again.

That verse says when we seek HIM all other things will be ADDED.

He is our SOURCE.

IMG_20180910_111638967[1].jpg

Posting this song because the words are SO POWERFUL. A reminder to all of us ❤

Wishing you all hope, healing and happiness,

-Win

Holding Pattern

*READER DISCRETION ADVISED

TRIGGER WARNING

EMOTIONAL POST

READ AT YOUR OWN RISK*

This will be the last blog I will write for a while, but before I left I wanted to inform my blog followers of what’s going on and genuinely thank you for following my writings.

The above photo is one I took on my flight to NC. Thanks to the cortisol pump, I have been strong enough to do more things. Not cured by any means but strong enough to handle a flight.

After my brother’s wedding, I was invited to return to my homeland (North Carolina) and stay a while with friends.

I jumped at the chance to leave Florida, even if was temporary.

I got a one way ticket, had no clue when I was going to return.

The flight to NC was beautifully freeing, I felt like the pressure of being trapped in Florida had been lifted. I was going home…to my actual hometown of Winston for the first time since we abruptly left 4 years ago.

(I went back to NC during the hurricane, but haven’t seen Winston in years)

If you’ve never heard this song, it is everything that I could have written regarding the last four years.

Another day in this carnival of souls
Another night settles in as quickly as it goes
The memories of shadows, ink on the page
And I can’t seem to find my way home

And it’s almost like
Your heaven’s trying everything
Your heaven’s trying everything
To keep me down

All the places I’ve been and things I’ve seen
A million stories that made up a million shattered dreams
The faces of people I’ll never see again
And I can’t seem to find my way home

Cause it’s almost like
Your heaven’s trying everything to break me down

That line about the people I’ll never see again STILL stings my soul. My cataclysm of losses took an even further hit when my Hero, Dr. Todd passed away suddenly.

He was my only trusted doctor. He was also my friend. He was the one managing my care with my rare conditions. No doctor will get near me with this cortisol pump. I was supposed to get well enough and learn under him. But now, he’s gone. Sadly he leaves behind a wife, 5 children and a practice without a physician.

Thoughts of him swirled into my mind as I stared out the window of the airplane.

Never, in this world did I think he would have died before me.

It just reaffirmed how fragile life truly is, which made me assess my own existence.

I was flying back to home, but what were my plans? Where was my life going? What am I doing? How long would I be there? What did I have in either place (FL/NC)?

I guess that’s the beauty of when your life completely falls apart, there are no wrong paths to take because EVERY fear I’ve ever had has happened and I’ve survived it.

I looked out onto the open sky and realized that I was truly free….in a strange way.

What did I have left to lose? What was left to fear?

I have no money, no career, no marriage, no kids or any chance of ever being a biological mother. I’ve lost everyone I’ve ever loved at one point or another. Literally every waking nightmare I could have imagined has happened to me, and yet here I am……

When the plane landed in NC, I felt a sense of relief. I was alive. I was in a place I recognized.

Driving back through my hometown was bittersweet. I realize how different of a person I am now since I’ve been gone. The Winslow who left there was naive and believed mind over matter would conquer anything and everything.

But seeing the town made me realize that even if I were to move back there, I would still have to start over.

My family home is no longer there.

The people I loved and knew there aren’t there anymore.

My life there has ended.

It was like going back in time, seeing things from my past.

It was a harrowing reminder that change had come and it is an unforgiving force.

My life there is over.

I’m not sure why it took me seeing my hometown for that to click in my head. But it hit me like a train. I cried and cried that night and closed my eyes to imagine my life before.

I had to realize that my future was ahead of me. I would have to start over no matter where I chose to live, NC or FL. There was no reversing time. There was no grace in the changes that my life took.

The lyrics to that song kept playing in my head. “Heaven’s trying everything to keep me down.” I know it’s silly to think I’m cursed or being punished. I know in reality stuff just happens. But the little girl in me who believed in fairy-tales wants to blame some curse because it’s easier than blaming myself for how everything turned out.

How do I put this curse in reverse?!

I had intended on staying in NC for a couple weeks, but the emotional implications I tried too hard to handle got the best of me. I ended up getting a case of the shingles…again…. then my neurologist called me with some frightening news and I had to schedule a brain MRI.

I decided it was best I return to Florida after only being in NC 7 days.

When I left, I left with a sense of closure I hadn’t had before.

My life there was over. I saw it. I accepted it. It was time to move forward.

Upon my flight home, it started thunderstorming violently when we got directly over the airport. The pilot informed us we were going to have to fly around in a holding pattern until the air traffic controllers would permit us to land.

The pilot’s flying skills were wilder than what I was used to, he turned the sharp bank turns so swiftly it feel like I was on a rollercoaster.

The passengers grew quickly irritated after we circled and circled for over an hour.

I picked up on the irritation but then caught myself.

What was I in a hurry for? I had no plans to get back to. I didn’t really want to be coming back to Florida but knew it was best. I had no reason to get irritated at the delay. The runway would be available as soon as the storm passed.

I put my favorite music on and enjoyed the feeling of flying around in the sky.

The pilot came on the intercom and informed us we were having to re-route to St. Pete airport for fuel.

The whole plane groaned but I didn’t. I was in no hurry to return to Florida.

So, we flew around the sky until the evening turned into night. I watched as lightning continued to strike throughout the sky.

Would this storm ever break? I wondered.

I chuckled to myself because I ask that question a lot, referring to my life.

Then it dawned on me, I am literally in a holding pattern with my life.

I can see the runway, meaning- I can see where I wanna go and what I wanna do but I can’t get there yet.

I am just flying around in life until GOD or divine intervention or whatever decides it is time for me to land.

This taught me a lesson. All the passengers on the flight were in the same situation. We were all stuck in the air, waiting to land.

Some of us relaxed, listened to our music and enjoyed the wait……others chose to gripe, huff and puff and drive the air steward staff insane with questions of when we would land.

In life, we can chose to fight the circumstances, become miserable, bitter and take it out on other people OR we can chose to enjoy the moments we are in.

Do I like Florida? Nope.

Do I like hearing the man I thought I’d marry tell me I’m not wife material anymore? Nope.

Do I like having to live with my parents at 26 years old? Nope.

Do I like awaiting a disability hearing to determine the next steps of my life? Nope.

Do I like that no one buys my books or even bats an eye at the work I’ve literally poured my heart and soul into? Nope.

Do I like that my hero is gone? Nope.

BUT!

I am thankful to have a place to live. I am thankful for the people who accept me as I am. I am thankful for people who are willing to take me in. I am thankful to have hope amongst the darkness. I am thankful to have met Dr. Todd and I will carry on his legacy.

I’m in my life’s holding pattern, my runway isn’t ready for me yet.

My next steps are awaiting my brain MRI and my court hearing in October to determine whether I get disability or not.

Then, maybe I can afford treatments and maybe get better someday.

Until then, Fly high my friends ❤

Wishing you hope, healing and happiness,

-Winslow E. Dixon

Below is absolutely my theme song ❤

Enjoy!

All content and images used on this site are owned or licensed by Winslow E. Dixon. Unauthorized reproduction is prohibited. (Feel free to share stories and save images, however all images, written posts and blogs are owned by Winslow E. Dixon and protected under copyright law)

A Hero is called Home

A hero is defined as a person who is admired or idealized for courage, outstanding achievements, or noble qualities.

We typically think of heroes in comic books like Batman or Superman.
But occasionally, there are real heroes in the real world.
I was fortunate enough to know one of these real heroes.
Stephen-Robinson-1531753179.jpg

This is Dr. Todd Robinson.

He saved my life.

Dr. Todd is being put to rest today after his sudden passing.
I am writing this to honor the memory of a true hero and to share the story of how he saved my life.
When I moved to Florida from North Carolina, it was because I was actively dying from a disease I didn’t know I had yet. I had lost a massive amount of weight, gotten down to 87 lbs and was unable to function.
My healthcare providers in NC told me there was nothing else that could be done I needed to spend the rest of the time I had left with loved ones. I had exhausted every resource through Wake Forest Baptist Hospital and the Novant Health system.
I was dying and no one could figure out why.
Upon my moving to Florida, my parents were distraught to see my health condition. My mother frantically sought answers as to why I was so unwell.
Two streets over from where we were living, there was a small, family practice called Robinson Family Clinic. My mother made an appointment and convinced me to go see this doctor.
I had already accepted my fate. I had seen hundreds of doctors in NC. There was no way anyone could help me….or so I thought.
So, I went to the clinic. At the time, it was run by Dr. H.G and Dr. Todd, which were a father/son team of incredible skill, intellect and compassion.
I can remember seeing Dr. H.G walk past the waiting room. It was clear he was very old as he slowly moved through the office with a smile.

“Wow, that man is old. If he can live to be that age and still be able to work, maybe these doctors can help me after all…” I thought to myself.

But my appointment was not with Dr. H.G; it was with Dr. Todd.
I walked into the exam room and explained my whole story to Dr. Todd. He listened intently and told me to get all my medical records and he would thoroughly review them.
In NC, I had so many doctors convince me all my health issues were made up. With Dr. Todd, I felt validated. He believed me. He knew something was going on and he was going to figure it out.
I left the appointment with something I hadn’t had in a long time…

HOPE.

Once Dr. Todd got my records, he carefully reviewed them and called me back for a follow-up appointment.

“You are a puzzle, Miss Winslow. But I love a good puzzle. We will figure this out.” He told me with a grin.

He proceeded to tell me that he believed my issues were auto-immune and my body was attacking itself. He told me various things he wanted to try to calm my body’s violent attack on itself. He had a plan. He had options.

I was battling so many random symptoms at the time. I wasn’t able to eat, had lost a great deal of weight, had no strength and was struggling to breathe with severe asthma.

My asthma was so severe my 02stat never got out of the 80% range. Dr. Todd was concerned and put me on cortisol.

My first day on cortisol was a miracle. It was like somebody turned a light on. I could breathe, felt alive and had strength.

I called Dr. Todd the next day and told him my ecstatic news.

“Hmmm.” He said on the phone. “That makes me wonder……I need you to come into the office for some blood work.”

He instructed me to hold the next steroid dose (at that point I was only on them a day) and come into the office for labs.

The next time I visited the office, the nurse drew my blood and told me they’d call me with the results.

Dr. Todd ordered an 8am cortisol lab. We were shocked with the results. My levels were 0.08. Cortisol levels range from about 10 to 20 micrograms per deciliter.

We repeated the test to make sure it was accurate. Sure enough, I had adrenal insufficiency. Something I’d never even heard of.

Dr. Todd referred me to an endocrinologist and I had an ACTH stim test done that confirmed his diagnosis. I had Addison’s Disease.

I was then put on hydrocortisone and started to stabilize to the point where I got a job and was living again.

My health was still a challenge and I suffered with a lot of physical pain and autoimmune issues. Dr. Todd’s office was a plethora of options not widely available in modern medicine. He started suggesting I try things to help improve my health.

Every day before I clocked into work, he allowed me to go the office and connect to one of the alternative treatment machines FSM and once a week would get an IV of magnesium.

My migraines, muscle pain and symptoms vastly improved. If I ever needed anything, I could count on Dr. Todd to do whatever he could to help me feel better.

But it was more than just physical health. He had a way of healing your heart with compassion and his abundant faith, too.

One of the last times I spoke with Dr. Todd was before my emergency kidney surgery. I called his office to let him know what was happening and he called me back later, on his personal line, after hours just to make sure I was okay.

A kidney stone had lodged itself in my kidney an was causing it to swell (hydronephrosis) to the point it could have ruptured.

I had to have emergency surgery to save my kidney. I was terrified. Having had a hysterectomy not long before that, I was afraid to go through another painful surgery.

Dr. Todd prayed with me and comforted me. “You’ve been more sick before and gone through more surgery. You will be fine. God has a purpose for you, Miss Winslow and you won’t leave this earth until it’s done.”

I survived the surgery and the next time I saw Dr. Todd, he started calling me the nickname, Seabiscuit (after the horse who suffered trauma but survived to race again)

“Brick by Brick, Miss Winslow. You’ve come through so much. You have an indomitable will.” He told me.

“That makes me think of the abominable snowman, Dr. Todd.” I joked back.

He just shook his head, smiled and went back to seeing other patients.

Dr. Todd Robinson was a hero. All of his patients share similar stories to mine. He was a brilliant person who went ABOVE and BEYOND the call of duty.

He told me he saw his practice not only as a medical clinic, but as a ministry.

His life was a true example of godly compassion.

We lay Dr. Todd Robinson to rest today on July 21, 2018.

I cannot believe he is gone, but I am so thankful for chance to have met such a powerful force of good in this world.

I will carry on the torch you left behind, Dr. Todd.

Love, Seabiscuit

Dr. Stephen Todd Robinson Obit

Thank you to his wife and kids for sharing such a hero with the rest of us. He leaves behind a massive wake of compassion and faith. We know he is celebrating in heaven with Dr. H.G and looking down on all of us.