I lost it today

I am so overwhelmed.

I just want to write this out so I can get over it.

My surgery is next week. On Wednesday, November 22, 2017 I will be having a hysterectomy due to endometriosis and uterine fibroids. This stinging little fact is constantly in the back of my mind.

I hate the thought of being put to sleep.

I fear the pain after surgery.

My heart breaks at the realization I will never carry a child in my womb.

This has been constantly in the back of my mind.

And of course, when it rains- it pours.

I don’t usually like to air my dirty laundry, but honestly I am so stressed…whatever.

HERE COME THE DIRTY BLOOOMERRSSS (that’s a southern, old folks term for underwear haha)

Yeah, I picked up that term when I worked with the elderly as a resident care director. (OMG  I MISS WORKING WITH THEM)


People don’t understand what it happens when your health fails.

Once your health is gone, it takes EVERYTHING with it.

Your independence, your money, your cars, your home, your possessions, your identity.

Everything crashes and burns.

Yeah positive stuff can still happen and yada yada yada…but honestly…. chronic illness sucks and somedays it just makes you ticked off at the world.

Unfortunately, some people who don’t understand this are the closest ones to us.

With my upcoming surgery, I have a personal confrontation that is brewing,

My parents absolutely cannot stand my best friend.

Long story short, he is my ex. He did some shady crap back when we were together. He left me right when my illness was getting really bad and my parents never really forgave him for that. Lots of bad blood…..

Honestly, he did leave me high and dry- but he realized his mistakes and has since made them right. He has grown up, matured and become an amazing man.

It’s justified I suppose, but it is also kind of petty.

And all this came to a head when we discussed the arrangements for my surgery. I want my best friend there, my parents do not.

Thus ensued a massive fight where a whole lot of information I was unaware of came out.

Things were said like

I “resent” my family because I have become dependent on them.

I am “using them” just to “get well” so I can get better and then run off with above mentioned friend.

I have “repressed anger” because of my illness.

(eh, I’ll give em that one.  I’m not aggressive but I sure don’t think this life is fair)

Pretty much, I was given some stupid remark about me needing to “Let (said friend’s name) take care of me since that is who I am choosing over my family.”

With adrenal disease, any stress is just toxic.

With me, I stubborn to a stupid fault.

You back me into a corner and I feel like a rabid raccoon. I’ll do whatever it takes to get away from the stress.

Fight or Flight- I choose flight.

So, I stayed with said friend this past week.

I can’t get away from drama to save my life.

Their landlord decided to be a horrible person.

She came over for a house inspection. I introduced myself to her, kindly.

Now, this landlord was a bleach blond, with designer jeans who drove a land rover.

She instantly demanded I fill out a criminal background check, apply to get on the lease and pay a fee to be on the property.  I calmly told her my rights, as stated in the lease of my friend’s home. There was no need for me to be on the lease because A- This was a short term situation and B- I had no income and couldn’t help pay the rent C- I don’t even have a speeding ticket, much less a criminal background. I also told her that it was insulting that she would assume I was a criminal.

She demanded my friend cut the grass and said she would send a maintenence person over to look at the property and assess for damage after Hurricane Irma.

So later that day the man came. My friend and I showed him around and pointed out the damage then left him alone to his work. We sat on the couch and watched Dr. Phil.

The next day, the landlord sent my friend a text that I needed to be off the property immediately because she had received “Multiple complaints from contractors about the unauthorized girl.”

Now mind you, only ONE contractor visited the house that I interacted with. When the second one came, my friend and I were at walgreens.

She was trying to figure out a way to get me off the property just out of spite.

So my friend texted the maintenance person about the apparent complaint. His response?  “What?   I had no altercations.”

Landlord proceeds to call my friend and fuss at him for contacting the maintenance person. Yeah, we caught her in her lie.

He tried to get her to explain her side (her lie) and she hung up on him. (VERY UNPROFESSIONAL)

The lease agreement says any guest can stay up to 72 hours.

We had introduced me to her, not hidden the fact I was there and told her the situation that I would be having surgery and would only be there short term.

This woman STILL continued her witch hunt.

She called my friend and demanded he come to her office. She fabricated some story about how I followed the maintenance guy around making “demands” acting like I lived there. She said he would receive legal paperwork if I wasn’t off of the property.

All because her little blonde, designer jean self wanted to assert her power.

Again, we had broken NO rules.  This was just an apparent witch hunt.

So, I packed up my stuff and headed back to my family’s house. We are  in the process of moving properties so our stuff is between two places.

I don’t have  a house key, as I don’t need one because I don’t drive or work. My friend took me by my mom’s job to pick the key up.

We all share one car right now and my dad had taken her to work, so naturally she didn’t have a key to either property.

This was a problem because my friend had to get to work and I was afraid to go back to their house. I feel like that woman would have tried to have me arrested for trespassing or something.  I called my dad, who was working.

My friend and I got some fast food, sat by the ocean and waited for my dad to get off work.

It is still extremely hot in Florida. With my health, I don’t handle extreme temps very well. I started to feel sick.

Fortunately, dad got off work and I went to the new property. I don’t have a bed yet and my cot I usually sleep on was at the other house. Annoyed, exhausted, stressed and overheated- I just laid in the empty floor of my new room.

My friend agreed to go get the cot from the new property.

I decided to take a cold shower to cool down.

While I was in the shower, somehow my smart phone ended up in the toilet.

No idea how.

The combination of the surgery, landlord stress, the health issues and the chaos came to a head.

I pulled my phone out of the toilet and thoroughly broke into tears.

I sat on the bathroom floor and sobbed.

And here is the freaky part,

I was SOOOOOO upset. Like wailing, crying, stupid sounding upset.

It was like everything I suppressed hit me all at once.

The lights in the house all started to flicker as I sobbed.

My dad stood outside the door and asked what was going on with the lights.

I have had that happen before….. but never to that extent.

Once I got myself composed again, the flickering stopped.

I laid down on the cot my friend brought me and borrowed the extra phone they had.

I apologize in advance for this personal post. I am just writing this to show you guys that it’s ok to loose it sometimes.

Life is hard….

Life isn’t fair…..

but we can’t give up…

Even when we loose it all…..

Even when our smart phones baptize themselves LOL

That mean landlord lady won’t win. She is obviously a miserable soul if she has to go stirring up trouble and spreading lies for no reason.

Keep fighting guys ❤




One thought on “I lost it today

  1. corrielavina November 17, 2017 / 12:55 am

    Make no attempt to turn on the smartphone! Put some dry, uncooked rice into a Ziploc bag, insert smartphone, and let it sit for 2 weeks.

    Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s