Baptists- You are wrong about sex

I typically try to stay away from controversial topics, but I feel like this needs to be said.

I grew up strictly evangelical. I was raised in the baptist religion in the “Bible Belt” of the southern American south.

I was taught morals. I was taught about God. I am very thankful for the fundamentals that were instilled into me. But some things I was taught…..I now believe are wrong.

I am not writing this post to bash any religion, but to share things that I wish I would have understood and accepted….things my own heart now gratefully accepts as truth.

I am also not writing those post to be inappropriate in any way. But the truth is that sex is a part of life. In fact; it is what physically causes life to continue on this planet.

It was a major topic in the christian school and youth group I grew up in.

It was the dominating topic in that little chapel room Sunday after Sunday from my youth pastor. Did he teach me how to cope with loss? Did he teach me how to retain my faith through hard times? Did they teach on the importance of being a good steward and a godly encouragement? Nope, but I sure knew sex was bad.

My youth group pastor constantly reminded us that premarital sex was wrong, promiscuity was an abomination and keeping yourself pure would ensure God’s blessing on your life.

I signed my purity pledge.  I never dated in high school.

I had my first boyfriend my freshman year of college. His name was Caleb. We loved each other very much. We never had sexual intercourse. We both agreed to wait until marriage. We wanted God’s blessings on our lives.


We had both been taught that God would bless us with a marriage and children if we chose to follow HIS way of intimacy.

We lived by the following verses-

1 Corinthians 7:1-9 (KJV) Now concerning the things whereof ye wrote unto me: It is good for a man not to touch a woman.

Hebrews 13:4 (KJV) Marriage is honourable in all, and the bed undefiled: but whoremongers and adulterers God will judge.

1 Corinthians 6:18 (KJV) Flee fornication. Every sin that a man doeth is without the body; but he that committeth fornication sinneth against his own body.

It had been drilled into me my whole life that sex before marriage was one of the most critical sins possible. I waited. I waited. I waited….. Trusting that I would be rewarded with a marriage and children one day.
Fast forward 7 years….. I found out at 25 years old I would have to have a hysterectomy due to endometriosis and uterine fibroids…thus ending my chances to ever have a baby.
Caleb and I are no longer in a relationship.
I waited.
Where is my marriage?
Where are my babies?
I did what I was told and yet I watch people who did not wait prosper.
I watch girls I went to high school with having children by multiple men, still able to work, they still have their health, their lives aren’t in shambles like mine.
They aren’t struggling to shower and get out of bed in the morning. Their independence hasn’t been taken from them.
Hey God, I did it your way.
Hey baptists, I followed your rules.
I don’t have a baby. I’m not married.
Me and Caleb behaved!  I loved him! What happened?

Did I make a mistake by not making a mistake?

And that’s when I realized….

Romans 3:22 (KJV) Even the righteousness of God which is by faith of Jesus Christ unto all and upon all them that believe: for there is no difference.

There is no difference.
My righteousness isn’t even my own. I have none. It is all CHRIST.

Romans 3:10 (KJV)  As it is written, There is none righteous, no, not one.

Here I am getting all ticked off these people who had sex before marriage are living “better” than me.
I’m not better than anyone because I waited. I don’t automatically deserve a child just because I chose to behave.
I’m also not being punished for the choices I made.
We have this stupid concept of cause and effect in Christianity.
Wrong. Wrong. Wrong.

Matthew 5:45 (KJV)  That ye may be the children of your Father which is in heaven: for he maketh his sun to rise on the evil and on the good, and sendeth rain on the just and on the unjust.


Bad stuff happens to everyone. Regardless of how righteous you think you are.

The bottom line is that Jesus loves you just as much as he loves the hooker on the street corner.

He died for the moral citizen. He died for the drug addict. He died for the murderers. He SO LOVED the WORLD that HE GAVE us His only SON to die for our sins.

Despite what I was taught, even though I waited….I don’t have the white picket fence American dream family. I’ll never be able to tell my husband I’m pregnant. I’ll never feel a child in my womb. I’ll never be able to biologically carry a baby.
Ironically, my youth pastor didn’t have the white picket fence dream come true either. He has since been divorced….TWICE…..and now works as a real estate agent. The very man who I modeled my world view of sexuality, marriage and family after didn’t have it right after all.
“None righteous, no not one…….”
It is my belief that the first person you have sexual intercourse with is who you are married to in God’s eyes.
I know many Christian couples that got married just for the sexual reasons and were divorced later.
I know people who were promiscious and have multiple kids by different men.
I know people who are homosexual.
I know people who are celibate.
And guess what, I’m no better than any of them!
So baptists, please stop telling your youth groups that waiting will ensure a good life, marriage and happiness……
It rains on both the JUST and the UNJUST.
God’s will be done.

Christianity IS NOT about what you don’t do, it is about what you DO.

It is how you serve the Lord, how you treat others and the character in your heart.
The pharisees followed all the rules….and they were jerks.


  1. Have you read the ragamuffin gospel by Brennan Manning? It is my favorite book ever. It absolutely changed my life and the way I view my role as a Christian. He challenges the idea of the religious elite and the quid pro quo relationship we think we have with God. We tend to erroneously view God as human, as if he chooses favorites. We can’t do anything to win God’s favor. We already have it. We also can’t do anything to lose it, because we have already been forgiven as long as we choose to accept it.

    I don’t think we are all supposed to have perfect storybook lives. There is beauty in struggle. His power is made perfect in weakness. The pain, and grief pass and then you’re a stronger, more loving, passionate and grateful version of yourself. Then your experience is used to spread God’s grace to the world.


  2. An interesting take and I’m so sorry for your diagnosis. The pain and the suffering you endured is so hard and I’m so sorry for it.
    I agree, we are all sinners. What we don’t do or do is not as important as our relationship with God. Because of my relationship with God, I believe that I ought to do my best to follow his rules. Am I always successful? No. Do I fail? Yes. Do I stop trying to follow his rules? Again, No.
    It’s important to follow God’s rules. Sex is not bad. According to my Pastor “God created sex, that’s why it’s so good!” But sex is for marriage. Not having sex before marriage does not guarantee a care-free marriage. Having sex before marriage does not include a failed marriage. It’s not about focusing on the result, but it is about following God the best we can ❤


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