The past month has been incredible. I went to NC and found things I didn’t even know existed. I found life again. It’s like I woke up from the nightmare for a bit.
I’m back in Florida now and reality has set in.
But I am taking those little bits of life with me.
All that happened in NC is still propelling me into the future, because I saw with my own eyes that good things can happen to me. I met new people, I laughed, I went out, I was young.
When I say I lived…..I did…..to an extent I have never before.
This concept of meant to be resounds in my mind now.
Is this the life I’m supposed to have? Is Florida really were I’m supposed to be? I try and swallow the regrets that I chose to return here. Part of me wonders what would have happened if I stayed.
But I chose to return and I have to own that choice. I won’t look back.
I think the very idea of “Meant to be” is a fairytale.
Yes, God works ALL things together for good but I believe he gives us a FREE WILL to make our own choices. He isn’t sitting up in heaven moving humans around like chess pieces. He created all of us with a mind to discern what to do.
I don’t understand people just walking away from something and claiming “It’s just not meant to be.”
I guess it’s cause there is so much fight in me, I couldn’t imagine just walking away from something without giving it my all.
Meant to be? No, I have to be.
*sarcastic voice* WEEELLLL I guess it’s just not meant to be.
Pshhh, that’s what they told me about getting better. That’s what they told me about walking again. That’s what they told me about living with my health.
But I’m walking again. I’m living again! Despite the odds. I pretty much played a game of “ding dong ditch” with death and won.
I have to be! I have to be strong. I have to fight. I have to carry my head high into every single day and realize that nothing is meant to be, and I gotta FIGHT if I want things to happen.
A good life doesn’t just fall from the sky, folks. Our choices and attitudes make up our lives. The natural order of the universe is disorder. We literally have to fight the negativity, darkness and strife- EVERY SINGLE DAY.
I HAVE TO BE.
The only thing that is meant to be is what I make it. I make myself fight this illness. I make myself think positively. I make myself go to doctors, take my medicine and fight for better days.
What is meant to be is what I make it.
God gave me a brain and free will- and so help me I’m gonna use both!
Meant to be is what you make happen!
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