*Warning- This an intense piece. Reader discretion is advised.*
On my facebook, the memories “On this Day” popped up last night. It was a link to my original blog. The story of what I later figured out was my adrenal crisis and the things that led up to it (to read click here Shattered) I originally thought my hospitalization was due an allergic reaction…later turned out to be an adrenal crisis. This was before I was diagnosed with Addison’s disease.
The title of this little blog was called “Shattered.” I read through it and was quickly reminded of things I have tried so hard to forget.
I realized that things had shattered almost three years ago and never really got put back together.
My life had become a pile of shattered glass, with pieces of sharp edges everywhere. I anxiously have tried to pick them up, to no avail. When I try to pick up the shattered pieces, I find that I cannot put them back together- I only end up with bleeding hands.
My best option is to let it be. I only hurt myself trying to fix that which has been so bitterly shattered.
In our human states, we try to fix everything. Especially those of us who are control freaks.
My constant attempts at repair only leave me discouraged.
Every time I pick up the shattered pieces, they only cut me more.
We can never heal if we keep injuring ourselves.
We have to choose to leave our shattered shards alone.
Those people who walked out of your life- are gone. No amount of tears, anger, revenge or acts of kindness can change someone else. We have to stop trying to change other people.
Those past experiences are over now. Every time we relive those moments, those painful memories still have power in our lives. The past can’t hurt us anymore. It is over. We have to process and overcome the past.
Those past choices we’ve made- whether good or bad CANNOT be changed. We have to accept the decisions we made. Regret or guilt only inhibits our future.
Those dreams we had may have to be reassessed. Life unfortunately changes things sometimes and there is nothing we can do about it. There is absolutely nothing wrong with creating a new dream when an old one has gone away. We must keep dreaming, hoping and moving forward.
Those perceptions we had about ourselves may also need to revised. Your identity should rest in your character. Your looks, family, friends or career DO NOT DEFINE YOU. How you treat other people, the content of your heart and your integrity should be the only things that you define yourself with.We have to let go of those unnecessary standards we put on ourselves. All we can do is OUR best. Yes, OUR best. Not someone else’s….OUR best. Your best may be different than someone else’s, and that is OKAY.
Picking up our shattered pieces will only leave us with cuts and pain we don’t need to carry. Let the past go. Let the pain go. Stop trying to put pieces back together.
Sometimes in life, change is permanent. Some things will never be put back together the way they were before, but that doesn’t mean they cant be rebuilt into an even better masterpiece.
We truly have no control. We can only control OUR actions, thoughts and behavior.
We can only do our best.
I am choosing to let my shattered pieces rest, never to cut me again.
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