This is not a drill

For the first time in my life, I am at a loss for words.

You ever have an internal, gut feeling that something big was about to happen?

I’ve got that feeling.

For reasons I wont disclose, I’ve experienced some major knock outs lately. I am so fed up with all of it I won’t even give these stupid occurrences enough recognition to even type the dumb, gut-wrenching absolutely unfair things that have happened.

THIS IS NOT A DRILL

The next couple weeks are going to be all out war for my life.

I am in what I believe is the FINAL parts of my battle to live again.

THIS IS NOT A FALSE ALARM

I will live again….

I will be having my cortisol STIM test done Thursday morning….again…for what feels like the millionth time. So once again, I will be pulled off my steroid and have my natural levels tested. Last time they came back with undetectable cortisol levels.  New endo dr wants me to do this AGAIN…but this time without the replacement steroid. Yeah, let’s add some danger to the already daunting test. 😀

For someone who is NOT an adrenaline junky…I sure test fate a lot……

So that’s what is going on with the Addison’s.

Onto the Medullary Sponge Kidney  stuff.

Saw my wonderful urologist at the Cleveland Clinic last week.  Discovered I have some embedded stones and for the next six weeks am going to have to do some grueling urological procedures…..If they don’t work, I am looking at the prospect of possible surgery to implant stents for the frequent kidney stones. My inflammation levels are high due to the constant destruction of my urinary tract from the stones. Doing my best to manage the frequent UTIs and chronic pain.

Cleveland Clinic is two hours away.

So in addition to the weekly IV infusions I do, which are 2 1/2 hours away….I will now have another treatment at Cleveland Clinic…..

Again, I am SO THANKFUL for medical treatment. I am blessed to have access to healthcare and have wonderful doctors.

But I am worn out with my every moment being consumed with my health.

I’m tired of doing scary things. I’m worn out from wondering if life will ever return.

I just feel like good things are on the horizon. There has to be some light at the end of this very long tunnel.

Murphy’s law rings true this week.  My only computer broke….rendering me unable to write. I lost all my files, projects and photos…… THEN My best friend flew back home for his birthday. He is in our hometown without me. This devastates me for two reasons….

1- I am SOOOO homesick for my Carolina. Not being able to go home just makes me feel trapped.

2- I will have to do these scary things without my best friend there to help me through it.

I’ve always been one of these stubborn, independent women. I don’t need anyone….but it sure is nice to have support….

Lately, I just feel like my wings have been clipped. I wanna fly free.

I don’t want to need someone to take me to doctors appointments and treatments anymore.

I feel like a bratty two year old just screaming “I WANNA DO IT BY MYSELF.”

But I will continue to swallow my pride and get the help I need. 

Mark my words to whoever who reads this- I will do WHATEVER I can in this life to make sure NO ONE suffers like I have.

Adrenal disease is NOT rare….it is not tested for.

So help me, I am unstoppable.

GOD grant me the serenity to get through this storm so I can become a raging storm myself.

In my storm, I will destroy ignorance, hate and lack of compassion.

I will see the invisible pain others hide.

I will make sure cortisol labs are ROUTINELY drawn in emergency diagnostic settings.

I will END the ignorance on adrenal disease.

Yeah, I know the odds are stacked against me…. but that just raises me to a higher standard.

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I have work to do on this earth, and nothing will ever stop me.

May slow me down….but I will get it DONE

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2 thoughts on “This is not a drill

  1. Chloe July 4, 2017 / 3:24 am

    Oh, Win, my heart aches for you because I know, all too well, the feelings you speak of. It is a horrible feeling to not be able to drive yourself anywhere (story of my life.) You have experienced more trials and more pain though than most people will go through in a lifetime. In other words. You are not alone, when you feel helpless. And you are a LOT stronger than you probably feel at the current moment. You are your own Wonder Woman. You have so much compassion, it makes me smile. Do not give up, Win. Do not let this struggle beat you. You are beautiful and you will get through this, by the grace of God. (Yes, I’m writing this at 3 AM because my pain medication isn’t working so I just decided to stay up. May as well be productive, right? Turning pain into positivity!) 🤓❤ Hugs, Chlö

    Like

  2. D. Wallace Peach July 7, 2017 / 6:57 pm

    You have the attitude of a hero. I’m so sorry all this is happening to you, but I can’t imagine a better way to face adversity. Stay strong and be well. ❤

    Like

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