“Will the faithful be rewarded when it comes to the end?”
I have been told that my writing it sometimes too intense. I tend to delve deep into subjects that make most people uncomfortable. My young soul has truly aged to a mature point through all the stress, pain , loss and near death experiences.
If you are at all faint of heart, I suggest you not read this post.
I need to share this. I need to get these things out of my mind and out of my subconcious.
I need to ignite my inner flames and find the strength to fight again.
This has been the hardest journey I could have ever imagined.
Today it is thunderstorming terribly. The rain is pounding the ground with the same intensity that these emotions are pounding into my soul. The sound of thunder only echoes the anger that is raging inside of me. The lightning is a vivid visual reminder of how powerful a single event can be. Though it is just a small beam of light, a lightning strike is both powerful and deadly.
Oh, I can feel the storm inside of me. I feel every emotion of anger, stress, loss, sadness, regret, turmoil, strife……everything……crashing around inside the damaged casing that my body is.
I usually surpress these feelings- but not today.
No, today I will use them as kindling to ignite my own fire to fight again.
I CANNOT GIVE UP.
I CANNOT GIVE IN.
I HAVE TO GET UP AND FIGHT.
I will use these powerful emotions to build my arsenal against this awful darkness that has overtaken my world.
There are a massive possibility of daunting scary things ahead. Things like exploratory pituitary brain surgery and the cortisol test for the fourth time.
Yeah, in the ring of life I got thrown to the mat one more time.
I can either lay on the mat and whine or I can get up and start swinging.
So I’m getting up, shaking off my bloody wounds, gritting my teeth and throwing punches.
Ain’t a darn thing in this world that is going to take me down.
I posted this song because it is literally my anthem. Don’t Let GO is my mantra most days.
I have to fight again. I can’t back down.
I am writing this because I, myself have to remind myself what I’m fighting for.
I am fighting for better days.
I am fighting for the work I have to do on this earth.
WHEN I get back to life….AND I WILL….
I am determined to study endocrinology and help adrenal patients. I want to dedicate my life to placing AI patients on cortisol pumps. It is so wrong how little education is done on the endocrine system- it is so much more than just insulin……..
I can’t stop now because my real work has not even started.
I trust that my time of strife, isolation and bedridden sickness is to prepare me for my future.
I WILL NEVER STOP TRYING.
I WILL NEVER SURRENDER.
Here’s to another round.
DING DING! No tap outs here.
God keeps waking me up for a reason.
This is the face of fighter.
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