This week has been challenging for many reasons I won’t disclose. It’s funny how when we get older things that would have made us fuming mad don’t even phase us anymore. I’m not sure if it’s maturity or apathy, but not getting my way seems to be the norm now a days…and somehow I’m okay with that.
In our human states, we all get stressed out. My way of dealing with my frustration is typically talking to God and telling him exactly what’s on my mind.
Satan likes to get in my head and make my doubts re-surface. I am a naturally doubting person anyhow. My life experiences have trained me to expect the worst.
Yesterday, Satan was in my ear saying things like “You are being providentially hindered. God allowed all this bad stuff to happen to you. Do you really think he is going to allow good things to happen to you again?”
I began to doubt and fear my future. I let my insecurities and hesitations flood my mind. I looked into the mirror, looked into my past and looked at everything that was going the way I don’t want it to.
This was my prayer last night.
“Hey God, are you ever going to let anything good happen to me again? I’m tired of looking and feeling terrible. I’m tired of watching everyone work hard for their dreams while I sit here, dependent on other people, watching life pass me by. This isn’t fair GOD! I obeyed you. I followed the rules. Are you preventing good things from happening to me? I am thankful for all you’ve given me, but I know I was created for more. I want to live again. Are you stopping the good things? Am I really being providentially hindered?”
Then I opened His word and He answered me with this passage.
The Passage of Psalm 103 (KJV)
103 Bless the Lord, O my soul: and all that is within me, bless his holy name.
2 Bless the Lord, O my soul, and forget not all his benefits:
3 Who forgiveth all thine iniquities; who healeth all thy diseases;
(God, you know I want healing)
4 Who redeemeth thy life from destruction; who crowneth thee with lovingkindness and tender mercies;
(God, the life I made for myself was destroyed)
5 Who satisfieth thy mouth with good things; so that thy youth is renewed like the eagle’s.
(Way to use my OWN WORDS to answer me, God…. Your word is truly alive)
6 The Lord executeth righteousness and judgment for all that are oppressed.
(God you are JUST)
7 He made known his ways unto Moses, his acts unto the children of Israel.
8 The Lord is merciful and gracious, slow to anger, and plenteous in mercy.
9 He will not always chide: neither will he keep his anger for ever.
10 He hath not dealt with us after our sins; nor rewarded us according to our iniquities.
11 For as the heaven is high above the earth, so great is his mercy toward them that fear him.
12 As far as the east is from the west, so far hath he removed our transgressions from us.
13 Like as a father pitieth his children, so the Lord pitieth them that fear him.
(You hear my pain and care about me God.)
14 For he knoweth our frame; he remembereth that we are dust.
(You remember our human condition)
15 As for man, his days are as grass: as a flower of the field, so he flourisheth.
16 For the wind passeth over it, and it is gone; and the place thereof shall know it no more.
17 But the mercy of the Lord is from everlasting to everlasting upon them that fear him, and his righteousness unto children’s children;
18 To such as keep his covenant, and to those that remember his commandments to do them.
19 The Lord hath prepared his throne in the heavens; and his kingdom ruleth over all.
20 Bless the Lord, ye his angels, that excel in strength, that do his commandments, hearkening unto the voice of his word.
21 Bless ye the Lord, all ye his hosts; ye ministers of his, that do his pleasure.
22 Bless the Lord, all his works in all places of his dominion: bless the Lord, O my soul.
So God did answer me. Satan wants us to think that God doesnt have our best interests at heart. In this sinful world, there will be death, sadness, sickness and pain- but GOD doesn’t want that for any of his creation. That’s why He died for us, so that one day we will live in eternal bliss with Him.
My message is this- Don’t let Satan tell you what God’s plans are, cause frankly the devil is a liar.
Doubt is depression’s precursor. When I start to doubt things, I have to remind myself that God loves me and would never want me to hurt. He died for me, how could I ever doubt such an amazing act of love?
The song below I just discovered. It is powerful. I feel it echoes everything I have just tried to explain.
“But I have all I’ve ever needed
Help me trust beyond what I’m not seeing
To be content with all this grace You’ve given
In my weakness You are strong
Your grace is my sole sufficiency
Your power is made perfect when I’m weak.”