Eulogy of Winslow Elizabeth Dixon

Yes, you read that correctly.

This is the eulogy of Winslow Elizabeth Dixon.

Yes I am still alive. No, I don’t intend on going anywhere soon.

But I am writing this to let go of who I used to be…..who I was before MSK and Addison’s disease took over.

 

This slideshow requires JavaScript.

This is not act of giving up; it is an act of acceptance.

I used to serve in my father’s ministry. I was the children’s minster, played the piano and sang in the choir. I loved volunteering in the church.

1001694_569855913055782_857860358_n

acrewst

 

I absolutely loved my job in geriatrics. At my last job, I worked as a Resident Care and Enrichment Director for Holiday Retirement.

12733536_10208524624379848_3580123000249256752_n12801332_10208715735797514_2683655676832485475_n

azaleapark

I was also back in school and had plans to become a physician’s assistant. I was serving in an internship at a clinic and learning as much as possible.

aintern.jpg

I lived with my best friend. I always had a fridge full of food and a home full of laughter.

anelson

 

Life was good.

Here’s how my days used to go.

6am- Wake up

7am- Leave home

7:30a-8:45a- Get Medical treatment at my primary care physician’s office

9am-5pm- Work at the retirement home

5:15p-8pm- Work at internship

8:30pm- 10pm- Eat supper, do schoolwork

This was my routine. I was living life to the very max, doing the best I could.

Now,  I am unable to work, drive or function. It amazes me how I was able to accomplish so much in a day. Now a shower completely wears me out.

But you know what…… My life is not over.

For some reason, God has continued to open my eyes every morning so far.

Do I understand why all this happened? No.

Do I absolutely long for my independence back? Yes

Do I have to let go of who I once was?  Yes and No.

You see, my life is different now. I now have the ability to write as much as possible I live with my parents again. I am no longer working.

I can still let my dreams fuel me, but I can’t let them cripple me.

The reality is a part of me has died.

BUT!

I can honestly say I am a better person now having gone through all of this. One day I will share my entire experience…the full version…. But for now I relish in the fact that I am a survivor.

I have nothing left to fear. I have looked death in the eyes. It has called my name.

I have seen hell on earth.

I have been in so much pain I didn’t think I would make it.

I have lost everything and everyone possible at one time or another.

But I survived….every single time.

I have fought demons themselves and come out victorious.

Not because of who I am, but because of the power of Christ within me.

GOD’S GRACE truly abounds in this life.

Every time I think I am at my breaking point, every time I think I can’t go on any longer…..God gives me some measure of grace that renews my spirit and helps me go on.

Romans 12:2 (KJV)

“And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God.”

 

God renews my mind and keeps me going. He uses so many avenues in my life to do so.

Staying in communion with Him through prayer and reading his word.

My wonderful friends and family.

Little things like chicken nuggets and writing.

I can’t think about how much I’ve lost. I can’t think about whether I’ll ever work or drive again.

I can’t think about how different I look now.

I can’t think about how much I can’t do now.

I have to focus on the me that exists RIGHT NOW. Not past me, not the me I want to be…..

The girl that exists NOW.

This girl understands pain, grief, loss and death.

This girl has compassion.

This girl understands.

This girl is close to her Savior.

This girl knows all about endocrine disorders, kidney issues, medicines…etc.

This girl will never give up.

No amount of pain, agony, disease or grief will EVER take my character from me.

I choose to live in the light of Grace.

I choose to let go of regret.

I did my very best and even though bad things happened, my conscience is clear.

So goodbye old me. You may have been stronger physically….but I am much better now.

I let go of what used to be and hold onto what is.

leavefire

Advertisements

6 thoughts on “Eulogy of Winslow Elizabeth Dixon

  1. vynebody May 25, 2017 / 4:16 am

    I feel the same way too, yet your gift of writing brought those words to the surface of my soul. Thank you for being truly open. Continue to press into your Heavenly Fathers word and let Him cover you in the shelter of His Mighty Wings.

    Like

  2. Jenny Terracciano May 25, 2017 / 10:16 pm

    You are truly a amazing person Winslow! I have always thought so…. past and present. Your words are beautiful just like you my friend.

    Like

  3. Denise Ramos May 26, 2017 / 3:32 pm

    Winslow, thank you for choosing joy and for choosing Christ. Your words, your life truly inspire me to use my current circumstances for God’s glory and not to dwell in the past. Love you dear friend!

    Like

  4. Kathleen self February 8, 2018 / 10:11 pm

    Winslow, I’m so proud of you and sorry that I can’t be with you more and celebrate you for the woman you are . We don’t understand why? But we know to trust the hand of God and that you have and your family. God has such a purpose for you girl you have so much to offer and contribute to this world. Hold on my child!!! Your day is coming, love you so much!!!!

    Like

  5. Malisha Fuller February 9, 2018 / 7:50 am

    Love how you find positivity going through the most challenging times 🙂

    Like

  6. Deb T Best June 10, 2018 / 4:13 am

    Thank you for using everything you’ve had to suffer through to help so many others!!Prayers As you travel your journey! 🙏Bless you Winslow. You are awesome 🦋

    Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s